Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
