Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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