i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
