Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
