eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
