whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
