he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
