I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
