Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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