He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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