I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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