he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
