let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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