Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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