I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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