Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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