omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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