just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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