he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
