evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
