He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
