never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
