I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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