i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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