we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
