From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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