my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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