why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
