Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have post one night stand depression
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
