Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
