she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize