I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
