Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize