I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
