Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
