Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
