i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize