alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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