uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
