There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize