I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
