just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
