I looked at my own cervix.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
