ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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