So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it glows. i had to have it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
