walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Terrible idea I love it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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