Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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