and my herpes radar will keep us safe
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
