Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
