We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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