she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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