Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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