I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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