Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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