Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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