woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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