Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
