My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize