Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The feeling are messing with the penis
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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