I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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