I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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