does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
