After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize