I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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