careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
