guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
