i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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