I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
