i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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