So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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