Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
