Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
