oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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