Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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