Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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